After a beautiful beginning.
After a journey. An adventure. A time in place that came with ups and down and wild twists and turns.
With summer winding down and fall fast approaching this is the time of year that we prep for the colder months. Where we go back to school. Where we plan the second half of our year. Where we say goodbye to the months of warmth, fun, adventure and a sense of freedom.
As summer comes to a close I always find myself feeling nostalgic. I like to look back at the past two months and find gratitude for each and every moment that brought me closer to myself. To my inner child. To the people and places I visited. To each moment that made my heart feel fuller than it did before.
I’ve always loved this time of year.
It’s always been a wrap up for me personally.
For many of us.
We grow up going to school from September to June. Summer is the time we break. Where we step aside from the “real world”. We give ourselves time to process all that’s happened and all that we’ve learned. July and August are special. A beginning and an end that goes faster than we could ever imagine.
This year as I prep to get ready to go back to work… I’m finding myself feeling this ending in a very deep and emotional way.
I hate endings.
I hate when things finish.
I also hate staying the same.
I love growth and crave change.
As I’ve been navigating this feeling I’ve come to realize that it’s more than the fact that Summer is ending. It’s more than the fact that we are half way through the year. It’s more than the ending placed in front of me.
This ending is inevitable as they all are. But this one.. this ones pulling at my heart strings.
It’s the culmination of all of this year.
It’s about me recognizing all that I’ve overcome. All the struggle of the past few years, months and days. All the highs. All the lows. All the endings that have already taken place and the beginnings that have been asking for my attention.
It’s about saying goodbye to a cycle.
Saying goodbye to a person I once held onto so tightly. Who was scared to grow. Who didn’t know how to stand tall in her authenticity. It’s about grieving an old version of myself who once walked in my footsteps. Saying goodbye to a past version of me.
It’s about accepting that endings bring new beginnings bigger and better than you could ever imagine.
Endings are surrendering.
Endings are showing gratitude.
Endings are accepting there’s more for you waiting on the other side of the bridge.
It’s that classic pack up the car, all the bags are loaded and you’re getting ready to say goodbye. You hug your family, friends and feel the lump in your throat.
You get in the car, put the car in drive- wave or blow a kiss and look through the rear view mirror and see them waving you off. As you drive off into the distance you take a deep breath. Because you know that as much as this goodbye hurts you and them- you know the beginning waiting for you off in the distance, that sunset shining down on you…. it’s waiting for you. And it’s waiting for you to begin a brand new chapter. For you to rewrite your story. A new story.
A blank slate of unknown words, paragraphs, images and characters. So you take a deep breath and trust that this ending has been your blessing. You let go. You surrender.
You feel. You believe that this is about to be the beginning you’ve dreamt of.
Endings bring up a lot. Letting go is hard. It’s often the hardest part. To believe that this ending has something better, Beautiful waiting for you is one of the hardest concepts to grasp.
I often find myself grasping and attaching and holding on tighter as the end of the rope slips from my hands. I know deep down the change is good. It’s needed and it’s overdue. But it still makes my heart feel heavy. It makes it feel heavy because I associate every ending with a goodbye.
And it’s true.
Endings are a goodbye.
Goodbyes haven’t ever been my thing.
I mean… who’s are ?
( ironic coming from the girl whos fled countries, homes, places and people multiple times.)
Goodbyes have been the things I’ve had to learn the most in my life. I’ve had to learn to accept that my journey has ALOT of endings and beginnings. Endings of relationships.
Endings of versions of myself. Endings of jobs. Endings of homes. Endings. Because I’ve had to learn to say goodbye- I’ve also learned how to say hello. How to walk through the process of goodbye and welcome in a new beginning that always manages to blow my mind.
As we say goodbye to summer, as we let go. I’ll be allowing myself time to sit in nostalgia. To be grateful for everything these past two months brought into my life. For who I spent time with. For the adventures that gave me memories I’ll never forget. To appreciate the beautiful ending I was granted after this cycle in my life.
So wether you are off to school, a new grade, university. Your moving out for the first time. You are saying goodbye to a summer fling. Or you are closing the book in preparation to write a new one- know that this ending its bringing you the beginning of a lifetime.
This is the beginning of a new cycle.
A new time to dream, change and grow into more of yourself then you were yesterday.
A chance for you to begin again.