These words as I say them make me filled to the brim with a sense of guilt and maybe even shame around them. Feelings that arise around saying this make me feel bad, and makes me feel a need to hide my voice. And to shush what it is I feel inside.
The world is hurting and it breaks my heart.
There are people who are grieving the loss of what was.
There is a side to this that some feel bad to even see, yet say… that’s the part I want to talk about today.
There’s a large part of me that feels anxious and triggered when I hear the words “ I can’t wait until this is back to normal.” Or “when we go back to normal…” I instantly feel triggered, scared and anxious, curious even.
It’s like part of me is yelling NO as loudly as possible from the inside out, upset and worried that the simple and blissful moments that we have now, will soon disappear and everything will just go away and well pretend like it was never here.
Is that realistic? Probably not.
I mean we’re in a global pandemic for goodness sake- surely the world is ready to wake up? Surely the people of this world won’t allow the normal of our future to be the normal of our past. Surely… right?
I worry about this.
I worry because I don’t want to return to “normal”.
I’m not in a rush to return to a normal where gun violence is real. Or where a normal is when the world sets on fire.
I’m not excited to live in a world that plays with people on strings and tells them how to live, breathe and exist day to day.
I’m not in a rush to be rushed.
I’m not in a hurry to return to a world where normalcy is considered go and go fast just so you can check off the next box.
Where value is measured by what you’ve accomplished and how much you have.
I’m not ready to live in a world where worth is dependent on how much you make, or what you see when you look in the mirror.
I’m not in a rush to return to a world where normal means logic over following your heart and your own inner guidance.
Where our oceans are losing their beauty.
Where people are mean, cruel and have become so greedy.
Where empathy is just a word merely misunderstood by so many.
Where boxes are made to be fit in, instead of broken down and live in a world filled with limitless opportunity.
The list of this could go on and on.
But I think all of this goes to show that I’m simply not in a rush to return to the way it’s always been done.
Which is why I feel guilty.
Which is why I feel sorry saying how much I’m in love with this time. How much I love the quiet. The creativity and freedom of simplicity.
The ability to slow down, to sit and drown out the noise.
I know this time is causing heartache and heartbreak. Discomfort and confusion. Darkness and pain for oh so so many.
I know that with darkness comes days that you can’t see the light or the good things that are possible in such destructive times.
I know. Because I’ve been there.
I feel it too. I’ve felt darkness like this many times through.
I hated the people who were glowing and seemed to be oh so friggan happy.
Which is why right now...I feel so guilty.
But all this being said I’m sharing this message because it’s been thoughts mushed into a bubble wrap dancing inside my head.
I need to share because it’s my truth.
And because someone out there reading this may feel they need the permission to feel this too.
For the first time in my life, I feel a sense of peace when it comes to collectively being on the same page united with so many.
For the first time in my life, I feel like I get to be me. I get to explore new ways to express what I feel inside. I get to find calming stillness and welcome it into my life. I get to block out the noise of others and listen to my own intuition before arriving for others.
For the first time in forever, I get to breathe again.
Finally, help with finances when I’ve been struggling for years to simply just survive.
Finally, time to ask myself is this really what I want to do for the rest of my life?
Finally, time to inquire about the projects I’ve brushed away and put to the side.
Finally, I get to decide if what I’m feeling is actually mine.
Finally, I get to be.
Finally, I get to start again.
Finally, I get to tune into what it is I actually need.
Finally, a moment where the world has caught up to me, gifting me with a bit of a break, on that my soul so desperately needs. One that comes with some rough and bumpy waves, yet it’s filled with this environment sculpted like a beautiful masterpiece.
I’m getting to take space, to stop, to reset and allow alignment to happen for whats to come.
I’m not in a rush to return to a normal that makes my anxiety peak. Or I feel I have to do things for others just to be liked or to keep the peace.
I’m not ready to return to a world that’s been crying for attention and we’ve been to busy to stop, pause and realize and give it a proper intervention.
I’m ready to start a new world.
One that is filled with new normals.
I’m ready to head toward a world filled with love, compassion, kindness and empathy.
One where men feel safe to cry.
One where our leaders have human morals and don’t wear a manipulative disguise.
One where we are free to live where ever our souls please.
One where we can love whoever forever- no questions! … please.
One where borders are just for frames on the wall.
One where energy is the new currency for all.
One where intuition is the leading force of the world we seek.
One where we are safe and encouraged to be free.
One where woman can financially live their life independently as they please.
One where we look through the eyes of another and connect through the gateway to their soul.
One where we accept one another for who it is we are.
One where differences help us learn and soar.
One where we take our time.
One where we celebrate.
One where we spend time hugging more.
Loving more. And being connected more.
One where we live in pure unconditionality.
One where education is accessible to all.
One where we all have freedom of speech.
One where we get to be fully empowered to live out our dreams.
I know my view comes with optimism, hope and a lot of eye rolls from the masses.
I know that there are realists and people who believe in things like rules, restrictions and structures that have previously built society.
I know this.
But this has been normal.
A normal that was no longer working.
A normal that broke.
A normal that needed a pandemic to reset itself and wake us up.
So even if our opinions vary.
Even if you are in your darkness and you find this time really friggan scary…
I invite you into a place where dreaming becomes a place of normalcy.
I invite you here to decide what it is you want your new normal to be.
I invite you to ask yourself…
“If there were no rules, no restrictions and I could live in the world I wanted … what would that look like to me? “
You, me, we….
We are powerful creatures called human beings. We are here to be. To be here to create. To create a new normal that the world desperately needs.